Creed Bratton Moments of Glory Award

Hey there again. I'm using this blog as therapy again due to the Brewers incredible inability to play baseball under God's shimmering sunlight. It's so fucking annoying.

Anyway, I'm here today to present the Creed Branton Award for the Brewer who uses his time in the spotlight most efficiently. The Award naming committee would like to recognize Pawan Barot for honorary mention in this category dedication.

Creed Bratton Moments of Glory Award
Winner: Mike Rivera
Last Place: Jody Gerut

Surprisingly, Mike Rivera is still a Brewer. Lest we forget, he has started 14 games this season. His moments in the field are both brief and exciting. Apparently, Mike Rivera does not know how to catch a ball or something because Jason Kendall gets WAY more playing time the Creed Award Winner. I keep hearing how wonderfully Kendall "handles" pitchers. Really? The team ERA (with Kendall catching 76 of the 88 games) is 4.54. Kendall might get the edge over Rivera with OBP (.323 vs. .296 respectively)...but only slightly. Also, noted baseball philosopher Jatt Marosz deems Kendall as 2nd "Most Clutch" on the Brewers. Otherwise, I don't know why Ken doesn't throw Rivera out there for a few more times per week. Given last year's .377 BA and .812 OPS, I thought we would see more of Mike Rivera. Nope. Regardless, this post is a celebration of Mike Rivera's use of camera time.

Creed Bratton's life is shrouded in mystery and that's the way we like it. Too much Creed and fans might be turned off by his horniess, age and lack of residence. He's the ultimate showman. In the spirit of George Costanza and Mr. Bratton, Mike Rivera is wonderful in the spotlight with a much more threatening bat compared to Kendall...and then he leaves us. Masterful work Mike. Enjoy the spoils of your performance, or lack thereof.

At the other end of the spectrum, Jody Gerut makes the worst of every opportunity he is granted. He fails to show any signs of a major league bat. It's sad. Even if we didn't trade my favorite non-Brewer, major leaguer not named Junior Griffey for Jody, I would accost him in a similar way.

For those scoring at home, the Brewers have closed the gap to 7-4 in the Bottom of the 8th. Miraculously, the Crew scored 4 runs since this post began. What a fucking tease.

Love,
Chuckie

The Tom Hanks Award for Overall Excellence

Welcome one and all to the first annual JABO's. As KP proclaimed, in efforts to regain your allegiance and love we will be granting one award per day (starting today) from now until the All-Star Game begins next Tuesday. I look forward to the lavishness and majesty of this award season. Here we go...

The Tom Hanks Award for Overall Excellence
Winner: Prince Fielder
Runner-Up: Trevor Hoffman

I figured my last post was a little sorrowful, (it's ok to cry) so I figured I'd start by recognizing the highlight of the Brewers' first half.

Prince Fielder has been nothing short of fantastic in a lineup filled with otherwise un-intimidating bats. Teams around the league have noticed this and subsequently pitched around Fielder more than ever. In 159 games last year, Prince walked 84 times. Through 85 in 2009, he has earned 61. Chalk it up to discipline says Buster Olney, The Rock, and other brilliant baseball minds. Yes, discipline and consistency is the name of the game for the Prince, as well as the namesake for this award. Just like Mr. Hanks, Prince has performs well in every aspect. Time and time again Prince delivers. Prince's stats are amazing and he should win the NL MVP for Someone Not Named Pujols. Eventually, Prince will win the big one, but until then, he continues to carry this team, just as Hanks has carried film after film. And I'm pretty sure Prince could tell Dottie Hinson to hang onto a baseball.

Just get to the point Chuck: Prince's first half has mirrored the career of Tom Hanks. Both icons have consistently turned in good performances and they are awesome. Just keep doing that thing you do Prince. Thanks to Prince, Houston does have a problem. It's crazy how often Fielder treats opposing pitchers like Toys. (One more?) Catch me if you can, Albert...at least in the RBI chase.

You've been great. Good talk. Go Brewers.

Chuckie