For those of you as love-sick for Brewers nostalgia, I've scoured the internets for the great clips of the number one team in your hearts. Please pass along any other notable videos.
Mind boggling clash of baseball, awkward commercialization, blatant sexism, and adventures in narration.
Fucking Sweet Exposure
Salamon Torres Tribute
The Death of Adam Carolla's Career...and a minor recession in journalism
Marty Brennaman, a Wizard with Words
Gabe Gross' Present to Us All
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Brewers on Deck, A Vision
This 
past week witnessed two reminders that Milwaukee is still in love with their Brewers. As most of our Brewers brethren are aware, the Brewers hosted their "Winter Warm-Up" last Friday at the Riverside Theater, and then invited fans back on Saturday for the "Brewers on Deck" gathering at the Midwest Airlines Center. According to Jabo's beloved Michael Hunt, 12,911 paid to experience the two day revival of Brewers fanaticism...a feat jaboutside.com matches daily but who's counting...It wasn't long ago that the Brewers were drawing 13,000 for games. Where have you gone John Vander Wal?
Unfortunately I was unable to make it back for the festivities, choosing to focus my energy on reaching "Pro" status in Wii boxing. (Watch out for the butch chick boxers, very low center of gravity). In the wake of Captain's poetic brilliance, and with the help of several Pizza Beers, I imagined my own Brewers On-Deck events emceed by Brooks Kieschnick (who is celebrating his 3rd Anniversary of Announcing his retirement on Feb. 15 by the way). They are as follows.
The Comedy Stylings of Doug Melvin: Is everyone from Canada funny? Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Will Arnett, Doug Melvin. When he proposed the Brewers replace CC Sabathia with Mark Tauscher, I lost it. An absolute riot.
Cage Match - Prince Fielder vs. Manny Parra: I think everyone wants closure to that rumble. Of course, right when Manny is about to get pinned, Craig Counsell will jump from under the ring, and break it up only to start his own feud with Prince. Eat your heart out Vince McMahon.
Mike Cameron Interactive Instructional Presentation: What I learned from getting caught. Basically, kids can learn from Mike's mistakes for future pursuits of gold gloves and homers.
Corey Hart: Hot or Not?
I imagine this debate raging for hours, Dunder-Mifflin style.
Seth McClung Poetry Jam: Any poem, or Jabo haiku, will do really, but in my mind's eye I see him pontificating 'Lil Wayne lyrics to bongo beats.
Ryan Braun Interview Exhibit: How Long Can He Speak Without Saying Anything?...I love Brauny, I really do. When he first came up I found his style a little obnoxious (and I couldn't understand how girls found him attractive), but as we all know, he just wanted to win. Now, I find his ability to answer questions without providing any new information fascinating and prodigious. If we could also arrange a reading from the Torah that would be great.
Visitations from Recent Brewers History:
- Salomon Torres Inspirational Speaking
- Matt Wise Imitating Derrick Turnbow, while also playing T-Bow in a chess match
- Reuben Qveudo stretching and running in the outfield before pitching
- Ben Sheets giving book reports on The Boxcar Children series
Alright. Enough fun. Go watch last night's Real World, its what Chuck Klosterman would do.
past week witnessed two reminders that Milwaukee is still in love with their Brewers. As most of our Brewers brethren are aware, the Brewers hosted their "Winter Warm-Up" last Friday at the Riverside Theater, and then invited fans back on Saturday for the "Brewers on Deck" gathering at the Midwest Airlines Center. According to Jabo's beloved Michael Hunt, 12,911 paid to experience the two day revival of Brewers fanaticism...a feat jaboutside.com matches daily but who's counting...It wasn't long ago that the Brewers were drawing 13,000 for games. Where have you gone John Vander Wal?Unfortunately I was unable to make it back for the festivities, choosing to focus my energy on reaching "Pro" status in Wii boxing. (Watch out for the butch chick boxers, very low center of gravity). In the wake of Captain's poetic brilliance, and with the help of several Pizza Beers, I imagined my own Brewers On-Deck events emceed by Brooks Kieschnick (who is celebrating his 3rd Anniversary of Announcing his retirement on Feb. 15 by the way). They are as follows.
The Comedy Stylings of Doug Melvin: Is everyone from Canada funny? Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Will Arnett, Doug Melvin. When he proposed the Brewers replace CC Sabathia with Mark Tauscher, I lost it. An absolute riot.
Cage Match - Prince Fielder vs. Manny Parra: I think everyone wants closure to that rumble. Of course, right when Manny is about to get pinned, Craig Counsell will jump from under the ring, and break it up only to start his own feud with Prince. Eat your heart out Vince McMahon.
Mike Cameron Interactive Instructional Presentation: What I learned from getting caught. Basically, kids can learn from Mike's mistakes for future pursuits of gold gloves and homers.
Corey Hart: Hot or Not?
I imagine this debate raging for hours, Dunder-Mifflin style.
Seth McClung Poetry Jam: Any poem, or Jabo haiku, will do really, but in my mind's eye I see him pontificating 'Lil Wayne lyrics to bongo beats.
Ryan Braun Interview Exhibit: How Long Can He Speak Without Saying Anything?...I love Brauny, I really do. When he first came up I found his style a little obnoxious (and I couldn't understand how girls found him attractive), but as we all know, he just wanted to win. Now, I find his ability to answer questions without providing any new information fascinating and prodigious. If we could also arrange a reading from the Torah that would be great.
Visitations from Recent Brewers History:
- Salomon Torres Inspirational Speaking
- Matt Wise Imitating Derrick Turnbow, while also playing T-Bow in a chess match
- Reuben Qveudo stretching and running in the outfield before pitching
- Ben Sheets giving book reports on The Boxcar Children series
Alright. Enough fun. Go watch last night's Real World, its what Chuck Klosterman would do.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
And the Award Goes to: Michael Hunt
Most Sundays, I wake up bright and early around 4pm, browse through the news online, play several hours of Nintendo games that were created when I was 11, eat a box of Count Chocula, and call it a day around 8pm.
This Sunday something so unbelievable and amazing happened that I was compelled to break from my rituals and stay up well past 10pm. Michael Hunt wrote an article that was even more ludicrous, preposterous, uninformative, and awful than I thought even he was capable of. I decided to put down the Chocula and spend the day enjoying the article to its fullest.
Here is the abomination of an article.
For the entertainment of you, Harold Malcowicz of West Allis (our sole reader), I decided that an article this exceptional simply had to be given some sort of recognition. Rather than giving out a large, meaningless all-encompassing award, I think it is more appropriate to award Mr. Hunt for individual sections of the article which I feel embody his contribution to American society.
Without further ado, I present the first annual "KP Awards" ( I'm not as good at titling events as Captain Fantastic. Also, he is better at karaoke, ice fishing, and wearing sombreros.)
Award for the Strangest use of a Dr. Metaphor Besides Lil Wayne:"Paging Dr. Closer...."this Hoffman guy just might be the strongest relief available to the Milwaukee Brewers without a prescription."
When did Trevor Hoffman become a doctor? Has anyone ever called him a doctor in his life? I get the impression that Michael Hunt thinks that doctors and pharmacists perform the same function. I won't even get into the fact that Trevor Hoffman is likely not the "strongest relief available", but rather a pretty good value buy. Hoffman is more WalMartussin than Vicodin. I think I mean that as a compliment.
Award for Least Relevant Bit of Information to Appear in a Newspaper Since the Barbaro Obituary:
"The fact that Hoffman has done it on one kidney is of little relevance, he believes, because the bad one was removed when he was 6 weeks old."
I am glad this tidbit is so inconsequential it could not be left out of an article in which it serves no purpose. The more important piece of information which was, ironically, left out of the article reads as follows: "The fact that Michael Hunt had large sections of his brain removed shortly after being hired by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel is of extreme relevance, all believe, because it helps explain: a) why his articles rarely offer any meaningful insight, and b) that his hairstyle is a marvel of modern science, masking his surgical scars from the public."
Award for Michael Hunt Blatantly Just Trying to Get Me Worked Up:
"Beyond the fact that he's got more saves than a tent revivalist working the midnight shift in south Alabama, Hoffman's suitability for this particular franchise at this particular time was made apparent Saturday morning inside a building made for hawking."
Why the need for such great specificity? Question: Is the midnight shift in south Alabama busier than the afternoon shift in northeasten Alabama? Answer: No one gives a shit.
Yes, Trevor Hoffman has alot of saves. But you know what's more impressive than comparing him to a religious fanatic? Discussing him in context with other closers. I don't care about if he has "more saves than Patrick Roy in the 1994 Game 5 against the Boston Bruins", or "closes quicker than Wilt Chamberlain on the set of Conan the Destroyer", or whatever other witticism Michael Hunt probably has stored away in his mind. I find it much more interesting to know that Trevor Hoffman has more saves than Mariano Rivera, Dennis Eckersley, Billy Wagner, Rollie Fingers, and Lee Smith. Because that actually means something. (Sort of. As much as saves mean anything, I guess.)
Nowhere in this article does Hunt do anything where he discusses any of the potential contributions that Trevor Hoffman might actually make to the Milwaukee Brewers this year. For that I suggest you refer to this well-written and researched article by The Hardball Times.
This Sunday something so unbelievable and amazing happened that I was compelled to break from my rituals and stay up well past 10pm. Michael Hunt wrote an article that was even more ludicrous, preposterous, uninformative, and awful than I thought even he was capable of. I decided to put down the Chocula and spend the day enjoying the article to its fullest.
Here is the abomination of an article.
For the entertainment of you, Harold Malcowicz of West Allis (our sole reader), I decided that an article this exceptional simply had to be given some sort of recognition. Rather than giving out a large, meaningless all-encompassing award, I think it is more appropriate to award Mr. Hunt for individual sections of the article which I feel embody his contribution to American society.
Without further ado, I present the first annual "KP Awards" ( I'm not as good at titling events as Captain Fantastic. Also, he is better at karaoke, ice fishing, and wearing sombreros.)
Award for the Strangest use of a Dr. Metaphor Besides Lil Wayne:"Paging Dr. Closer...."this Hoffman guy just might be the strongest relief available to the Milwaukee Brewers without a prescription."
When did Trevor Hoffman become a doctor? Has anyone ever called him a doctor in his life? I get the impression that Michael Hunt thinks that doctors and pharmacists perform the same function. I won't even get into the fact that Trevor Hoffman is likely not the "strongest relief available", but rather a pretty good value buy. Hoffman is more WalMartussin than Vicodin. I think I mean that as a compliment.
Award for Least Relevant Bit of Information to Appear in a Newspaper Since the Barbaro Obituary:
"The fact that Hoffman has done it on one kidney is of little relevance, he believes, because the bad one was removed when he was 6 weeks old."
I am glad this tidbit is so inconsequential it could not be left out of an article in which it serves no purpose. The more important piece of information which was, ironically, left out of the article reads as follows: "The fact that Michael Hunt had large sections of his brain removed shortly after being hired by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel is of extreme relevance, all believe, because it helps explain: a) why his articles rarely offer any meaningful insight, and b) that his hairstyle is a marvel of modern science, masking his surgical scars from the public."
Award for Michael Hunt Blatantly Just Trying to Get Me Worked Up:
"Beyond the fact that he's got more saves than a tent revivalist working the midnight shift in south Alabama, Hoffman's suitability for this particular franchise at this particular time was made apparent Saturday morning inside a building made for hawking."
Why the need for such great specificity? Question: Is the midnight shift in south Alabama busier than the afternoon shift in northeasten Alabama? Answer: No one gives a shit.
Yes, Trevor Hoffman has alot of saves. But you know what's more impressive than comparing him to a religious fanatic? Discussing him in context with other closers. I don't care about if he has "more saves than Patrick Roy in the 1994 Game 5 against the Boston Bruins", or "closes quicker than Wilt Chamberlain on the set of Conan the Destroyer", or whatever other witticism Michael Hunt probably has stored away in his mind. I find it much more interesting to know that Trevor Hoffman has more saves than Mariano Rivera, Dennis Eckersley, Billy Wagner, Rollie Fingers, and Lee Smith. Because that actually means something. (Sort of. As much as saves mean anything, I guess.)
Nowhere in this article does Hunt do anything where he discusses any of the potential contributions that Trevor Hoffman might actually make to the Milwaukee Brewers this year. For that I suggest you refer to this well-written and researched article by The Hardball Times.
Friday, January 23, 2009
What Happens when Brewers.com Lets a 5 Year Old Write News Reports
Just checking in quick; I got an e-mail from the Brewers about the recent Prince Fielder contract. I challenge all, in a Where's Waldo type game, to locate one of the most redundant and poorly-written sentences of all time. Game on.
According to two reports, Fielder is guaranteed $18 million in the contract -- $6.5 million in 2009 and $11.5 million in 2010 -- plus a $1 million signing bonus.
According to two reports, Fielder is guaranteed $18 million in the contract -- $6.5 million in 2009 and $11.5 million in 2010 -- plus a $1 million signing bonus.
He can reportedly earn an additional $250,000 in each season if Fielder reaches 500 plate appearances. A healthy Fielder should easily reach that milestone if he stays healthy; he has had at least 648 plate appearances in all three of his full seasons with the Brewers.
A healthy Fielder should easily reach that milestone if he stays healthy; he has had at least 648 plate appearances in all three of his full seasons with the Brewers.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Prince Fielder Poetry Jam
It is being reported this afternoon that the Milwaukee Brewers and Prince Fielder have come to an agreement on a 2 year contract pending a physical (I, for one, would like to be the proverbial fly on the wall for that medical adventure). Feeling obligated to comment on this, but also not being able to escape the unforgiving confines of Wolf Blitzer’s Situation Room I have decided to express my feelings through the ancient art of the Japanese haiku. This should finally put an end to those nasty rumors that the Just A Bit Outside crew and Captain Fantastic have turned their collective backs on the site's vast Japanese fan base. Let’s ride….
Captain Fantastic presents “Heavy is the Body that Wears the Crown” or “Prince Fielder Haiku #1”
A Captain Fantastic Joint.
Prince inks agreement,
Homeruns rain on his Kingdom;
No Meat, No Meat, Yes
(finger snaps)
Captain Fantastic presents “Heavy is the Body that Wears the Crown” or “Prince Fielder Haiku #1”
A Captain Fantastic Joint.
Prince inks agreement,
Homeruns rain on his Kingdom;
No Meat, No Meat, Yes
(finger snaps)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
If You Hold It, They Will Come
It goes without mentioning that Tuesday January 20th 2009 is a day that will mark the passing of time for generations to come. The storming of the beaches at Normandy, the JFK assassination, the moon landing, and now January 20th 2009 will live in infamy thanks to the Milwaukee Brewers’ signing of Seth McClung to a 1 year contract and thus avoiding salary arbitration. Captain Fantastic, for one, is just glad he lived to see this day.
With that bit of housekeeping out of the way, I’d like to officially announce my return to the Just A Bit Outside community. Thanks to Chuckie O and KP for manning the battle stations in my absence. As most of you are aware I recently traveled down to Mexico to host the 1st Annual Captain Fantastic Baseball Bloggers and Hard Rock Café Memorabilia Collectors of Greater Milwaukee Colloquium (CFBBHRCMCGMC for short) sponsored by Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail. Met on arrival by a strange language and the sobering knowledge that I was the only registered guest for the colloquium I set off to find some local ‘amigos’ and hold the festivities anyway. While I won’t bore you with the details, I will mention that we held our own Hall of Fame vote in honor of the selections of Ricky Henderson and Jim Rice by the BBWAA. The votes yielded an unanimous selection of Mexico’s favorite son Vinny Castilla and a 62.7% tally for Bert Blyleven. Mis amigos and I also had the privilege of watching former Brewers reliever Julian Tavarez being lit up for 5 ER’s in 2 IP in a Dominican Republic baseball league game. Say what you will, but I have confidence history will look fondly upon that Doug Melvin signing.
While it was sad to see my new friends leave the padlocked warehouse I kept them in for the entirety of the 7 day convention, somehow I knew, without having to look at my Spanish to English Dictionary, that their angry shouts and tears were their way of saying ‘thank you Captain Fantastic; you changed our lives’. Though the memories will fade, my doctor tells me the newly discovered diseases I contracted on the trip (now known only as Captain Fantastic Diseases #1,#2, #3, and #7) will be with me for the rest of my life.
With that bit of housekeeping out of the way, I’d like to officially announce my return to the Just A Bit Outside community. Thanks to Chuckie O and KP for manning the battle stations in my absence. As most of you are aware I recently traveled down to Mexico to host the 1st Annual Captain Fantastic Baseball Bloggers and Hard Rock Café Memorabilia Collectors of Greater Milwaukee Colloquium (CFBBHRCMCGMC for short) sponsored by Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail. Met on arrival by a strange language and the sobering knowledge that I was the only registered guest for the colloquium I set off to find some local ‘amigos’ and hold the festivities anyway. While I won’t bore you with the details, I will mention that we held our own Hall of Fame vote in honor of the selections of Ricky Henderson and Jim Rice by the BBWAA. The votes yielded an unanimous selection of Mexico’s favorite son Vinny Castilla and a 62.7% tally for Bert Blyleven. Mis amigos and I also had the privilege of watching former Brewers reliever Julian Tavarez being lit up for 5 ER’s in 2 IP in a Dominican Republic baseball league game. Say what you will, but I have confidence history will look fondly upon that Doug Melvin signing.
While it was sad to see my new friends leave the padlocked warehouse I kept them in for the entirety of the 7 day convention, somehow I knew, without having to look at my Spanish to English Dictionary, that their angry shouts and tears were their way of saying ‘thank you Captain Fantastic; you changed our lives’. Though the memories will fade, my doctor tells me the newly discovered diseases I contracted on the trip (now known only as Captain Fantastic Diseases #1,#2, #3, and #7) will be with me for the rest of my life.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Your thoughts?
Yo,
Two posts in two days...whoa. After watching my 3rd hour of SportsCenter today I realized I had yet to watch any of the new MLB channel. Have any of you Jabo's had the pleasure of enjoying Selig's new baby?
Also, Dave Bush signing: good, bad, apathetic?
Peace out, advance scout. Oh, and after I saw the Top 10 for the 3rd time, I flipped over to an hour of "The City"; a show as addicting as the coke Whitney surely takes off camera.
Chuckie
Two posts in two days...whoa. After watching my 3rd hour of SportsCenter today I realized I had yet to watch any of the new MLB channel. Have any of you Jabo's had the pleasure of enjoying Selig's new baby?
Also, Dave Bush signing: good, bad, apathetic?
Peace out, advance scout. Oh, and after I saw the Top 10 for the 3rd time, I flipped over to an hour of "The City"; a show as addicting as the coke Whitney surely takes off camera.
Chuckie
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Dave Duncan - Pitcher Whisperer
Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman,
Aside from the confusion from the previous obscure "Dark Knight" reference, how are you all? I've missed you. My time in Branson (not to be confused with Bronson), Missouri was well spent; one arrest and multiple karaoke escapades. All this amidst the rumors that our beloved Brew Crew was on the verge of signing the "savior" of the 2009 season: Brandon "Pooper" Looper. These rumors have died down, but I can't express my sense of disbelief over this very real connection between the Brewers and Looper, or any Cardinals pitcher for that matter...Or can I?
As most Brewers/Astros/Pirates/Reds fans know (the Cubs don't have fans, they have subhuman alcoholics) the Cardinals are always in the thick of it in September. One reason is Mr. Pujols (a model the Brewers seem to be following by locking up Brauny), but another we should analyze is Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan. REWIND: July 17. Local living room. SportsCenter is on. Barrel-Chest bobblehead bobbing. 12 empty Miller Lites ...
------
Scott Van Pelt/Lover of Madison: And Kyle Loshe wins his 12th game of the season going 7 innings, giving up only 2 ER. His record now stands at a sparkling 12-2
You: What the fuck, isn't Kyle Lohse the guy from the Twins who fucked up all the time?
Me: YES, and easy on the F-bombs
As regular as Ron Santo's bitching, is the Cardinals revival of a crap-tacular pitcher and the subsequent release of said Turd when his ego is boosted by Dave Duncan's godly/wrinkly hands. If you're good at something, never do it for free (DK x2).
Check these numbers (if you put stock in such categories):
Kyle Lohse: Card ERA – 3.78, With Other Teams ERA – 4.83
Matt Morris: Cardinals ERA - 3.60, Other ERA-5.20
Russ Springer: Card ERA – 2.25, Other ERA – 4.94
Al Reyes: Card ERA – 2.28, Other ERA - 4.09
Jeff Weaver: Card ERA - 4.89, 2003-06 & 07 ERA - 5.99
Jeff Suppan: Card ERA (04-06) – 3.94, 2000-03 ERA - 4.71, 07-08 ERA-4.78
And the list goes on: Chris Carpenter, Julian Taverez, Ryan Franklin, Josh Hancok (RIP), Jason Marquis, and our Cal Eldred; these gentleman are merely average hurlers before & after Duncan's supervision, but played a significant role in the Cardinals success.
Now I know what you're thinking, will Chuckie ever explain that Bronson allusion? Yes. Simpsons.
I can also hear your reservations over my worship of Dave Duncan...I'm not crazy. I'm not (Dark Knight x3). I just am proposing reasons to never consider an ex-Cardinals pitcher acquisition. It's like Charley going after The Waitress, he will most definitely fail royally. Sure Dave Duncan didn't create Mark Mulder's success nor save Sidney Ponson or Kip Wells from imploding, but the way he continuously turns slumdogs into millionaires is impressive. He didn’t turn them all into Cy Sabathia, but the Cards did receive a hefty R.O.I. With the comparative ERA’s I tried to show the effect Duncan has had, although I understand there are better measures of performance than straight ERA. I did consider age, injuries, and contract years in my number crunching, but if Ron Santo can overlook such things in his HOF campaign, so will I (but seriously, I tried to consider them, but they never skewed the numbers enough.) I'll let the debate rage from there.
I just want my phone call,
Chuckie O
Aside from the confusion from the previous obscure "Dark Knight" reference, how are you all? I've missed you. My time in Branson (not to be confused with Bronson), Missouri was well spent; one arrest and multiple karaoke escapades. All this amidst the rumors that our beloved Brew Crew was on the verge of signing the "savior" of the 2009 season: Brandon "Pooper" Looper. These rumors have died down, but I can't express my sense of disbelief over this very real connection between the Brewers and Looper, or any Cardinals pitcher for that matter...Or can I?
As most Brewers/Astros/Pirates/Reds fans know (the Cubs don't have fans, they have subhuman alcoholics) the Cardinals are always in the thick of it in September. One reason is Mr. Pujols (a model the Brewers seem to be following by locking up Brauny), but another we should analyze is Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan. REWIND: July 17. Local living room. SportsCenter is on. Barrel-Chest bobblehead bobbing. 12 empty Miller Lites ...
------
Scott Van Pelt/Lover of Madison: And Kyle Loshe wins his 12th game of the season going 7 innings, giving up only 2 ER. His record now stands at a sparkling 12-2
You: What the fuck, isn't Kyle Lohse the guy from the Twins who fucked up all the time?
Me: YES, and easy on the F-bombs
As regular as Ron Santo's bitching, is the Cardinals revival of a crap-tacular pitcher and the subsequent release of said Turd when his ego is boosted by Dave Duncan's godly/wrinkly hands. If you're good at something, never do it for free (DK x2).
Check these numbers (if you put stock in such categories):
Kyle Lohse: Card ERA – 3.78, With Other Teams ERA – 4.83
Matt Morris: Cardinals ERA - 3.60, Other ERA-5.20
Russ Springer: Card ERA – 2.25, Other ERA – 4.94
Al Reyes: Card ERA – 2.28, Other ERA - 4.09
Jeff Weaver: Card ERA - 4.89, 2003-06 & 07 ERA - 5.99
Jeff Suppan: Card ERA (04-06) – 3.94, 2000-03 ERA - 4.71, 07-08 ERA-4.78
And the list goes on: Chris Carpenter, Julian Taverez, Ryan Franklin, Josh Hancok (RIP), Jason Marquis, and our Cal Eldred; these gentleman are merely average hurlers before & after Duncan's supervision, but played a significant role in the Cardinals success.
Now I know what you're thinking, will Chuckie ever explain that Bronson allusion? Yes. Simpsons.
I can also hear your reservations over my worship of Dave Duncan...I'm not crazy. I'm not (Dark Knight x3). I just am proposing reasons to never consider an ex-Cardinals pitcher acquisition. It's like Charley going after The Waitress, he will most definitely fail royally. Sure Dave Duncan didn't create Mark Mulder's success nor save Sidney Ponson or Kip Wells from imploding, but the way he continuously turns slumdogs into millionaires is impressive. He didn’t turn them all into Cy Sabathia, but the Cards did receive a hefty R.O.I. With the comparative ERA’s I tried to show the effect Duncan has had, although I understand there are better measures of performance than straight ERA. I did consider age, injuries, and contract years in my number crunching, but if Ron Santo can overlook such things in his HOF campaign, so will I (but seriously, I tried to consider them, but they never skewed the numbers enough.) I'll let the debate rage from there.
I just want my phone call,
Chuckie O
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I Demand a Recount
Well everyone, one of the most joyous days of the year has finally arrived. Yep, that's right. The votes have been counted and the results of the Brewers Walk of Fame voting are in! Outside of pretty much every other day that has even a minor Brewers affiliation; THIS is the biggest day of the year for Brewers fans. Let's all take a trip over to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel and take a look at the votes, shall we?
http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/sports/37517854.html
Just for the record, here are the actual honorees of the Walk of Fame: Hank Aaron, Rollie Fingers, Paul Molitor, Robin Yount, Cecil Cooper, Bud Selig, Harry Dalton, Bob Uecker, Jim Ganter, Gorman Thomas, Harvey Kuenn, Don Money, Eddie Matthews, Warren Spahn, and John Quinn.
That is definitely a pretty impressive list of Milwaukee baseball players and icons. And while none of the people on this years ballot are of the same caliber as any of the elected members; at the very least, most of the candidates were memorable members of the Brewers or Braves organizations. You can't quite help but feel nostalgic looking at names like Teddy Higuera, Ben Oglivie, and of course, Pete Vukovich. Sure, these guys aren't the greatest ballplayers to play in Milwaukee, but they are undeniably deserving of at least being mentioned. The reality is that their highest honor shouldn't really be anything greater than being featured on the laminated placemat which I eat pizza off of; but at the same time, they are notorious enough that it's foolish to get upset over any of these guys being mentioned as candidates.
Wait, whats that? Alex Sanchez got a vote? ALEX FUCKING SANCHEZ?!?!?!?!?!?!
The biggest claim to fame Alex Sanchez has in his entire life is that he was the first Major League player to ever be suspended for violating the MLB drug policy. Now, I am not one to say that simply using performance enhancing drugs should result in an exclusion from any sort of honor.
But come on, he wasn't even good at baseball. At the time of his suspension, Alex Sanchez had hit four home runs! At the conclusion of his five year major league career, he only hit six fucking home runs! Just for fun I decided to compile a brief list of former Brewers who have hit more than six home runs in their careers: Brooks Kieschnick, Jody Reed, Matt Mieske, Mike Matheny, Glenn Braggs, Ernest Riles, Randy Ready, Alex Ochoa, Bobby Hughes, Lou Collier, and Brian Banks.
For another exercise that will surely have you scratching your head as you scream "WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE GUYS?"; lets take a look at the Most Similar Batters courtesy of BaseballReference.com
Batting Average: .296
On Base %: .330
Slugging %: .372
OPS: 702
Adusted Batting Runs: -29.4
Batting Wins: -2.7
These numbers range anywhere from "disgustingly awful", to "simply very terrible", to "average at best". What about Alex Sanchez makes him worthy of receiving even a single vote for any sort of baseball honor? In terms of baseball ability, it would be an overstatement to claim that he has any. And in the eyes of many, even being mentioned in the same sentence as steroids is a kiss of death. Please, someone explain to me how this was allowed to happen? There is no redeemable quality about Alex Sanchez.
Now, mystery voter, I do understand the glory of casting a joke ballot; I once voted Nader. But this is the Walk of Fame, it deserves to be taken more seriously.
http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/sports/37517854.html
Just for the record, here are the actual honorees of the Walk of Fame: Hank Aaron, Rollie Fingers, Paul Molitor, Robin Yount, Cecil Cooper, Bud Selig, Harry Dalton, Bob Uecker, Jim Ganter, Gorman Thomas, Harvey Kuenn, Don Money, Eddie Matthews, Warren Spahn, and John Quinn.
That is definitely a pretty impressive list of Milwaukee baseball players and icons. And while none of the people on this years ballot are of the same caliber as any of the elected members; at the very least, most of the candidates were memorable members of the Brewers or Braves organizations. You can't quite help but feel nostalgic looking at names like Teddy Higuera, Ben Oglivie, and of course, Pete Vukovich. Sure, these guys aren't the greatest ballplayers to play in Milwaukee, but they are undeniably deserving of at least being mentioned. The reality is that their highest honor shouldn't really be anything greater than being featured on the laminated placemat which I eat pizza off of; but at the same time, they are notorious enough that it's foolish to get upset over any of these guys being mentioned as candidates.
Wait, whats that? Alex Sanchez got a vote? ALEX FUCKING SANCHEZ?!?!?!?!?!?!
The biggest claim to fame Alex Sanchez has in his entire life is that he was the first Major League player to ever be suspended for violating the MLB drug policy. Now, I am not one to say that simply using performance enhancing drugs should result in an exclusion from any sort of honor.
But come on, he wasn't even good at baseball. At the time of his suspension, Alex Sanchez had hit four home runs! At the conclusion of his five year major league career, he only hit six fucking home runs! Just for fun I decided to compile a brief list of former Brewers who have hit more than six home runs in their careers: Brooks Kieschnick, Jody Reed, Matt Mieske, Mike Matheny, Glenn Braggs, Ernest Riles, Randy Ready, Alex Ochoa, Bobby Hughes, Lou Collier, and Brian Banks.
For another exercise that will surely have you scratching your head as you scream "WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE GUYS?"; lets take a look at the Most Similar Batters courtesy of BaseballReference.com
- Fred Lewis (962)
- Algie McBride (955)
- Tike Redman (955)
- Fred Brickell (955)
- Buzz Boyle (953)
- Sam Dungan (952)
- Buster Mills (951)
- Moose McCormick (950)
- Jack Lelivelt (949)
- Estel Crabtree (948)
Batting Average: .296
On Base %: .330
Slugging %: .372
OPS: 702
Adusted Batting Runs: -29.4
Batting Wins: -2.7
These numbers range anywhere from "disgustingly awful", to "simply very terrible", to "average at best". What about Alex Sanchez makes him worthy of receiving even a single vote for any sort of baseball honor? In terms of baseball ability, it would be an overstatement to claim that he has any. And in the eyes of many, even being mentioned in the same sentence as steroids is a kiss of death. Please, someone explain to me how this was allowed to happen? There is no redeemable quality about Alex Sanchez.
Now, mystery voter, I do understand the glory of casting a joke ballot; I once voted Nader. But this is the Walk of Fame, it deserves to be taken more seriously.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Fuck John Smoltz
Let's be clear. I think John Smoltz is an excellent pitcher who will one day be in the Hall of Fame. But why did he have to sign with the Red Sox the same day Trevor Hoffman signed with the Brewers? This single action has deprived us all of innumerable ludicrous articles written by journalists across the nation. With the Smoltz signing happening on the same day, even Michael Hunt seemed semi-rational in his writings. And really, in these dark days of winter, insane Michael Hunt articles are all I have going for me. That, and a baseball blog that nobody reads. Next time, John, please be a little bit more considerate of the needs of KP and the Just a Bit Outside Crew.
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