Happy Birthday? No Such Thing

Greetings,
First off, I would like to extend a hearty thank you to all those who sent their birthday wishes this weekend. The cards and money were graciously accepted, but that stripper “singing” along to Best of Both Worlds was a little much. Hannah Montana deserves better, even if I don’t.
I would also like to thank Doug Melvin for his belated birthday present. According to flip - flopping Star Magazine style blogs from Tom Haudricourt, Doug is drafting a contract with Brandon Looper’s stupid name on it. According to the blog, Looper’s price has plummeted since Christmas and justifiably so; he is 24-26 with a 4.52 ERA in 63 starts as a starting pitcher. Whatever. If he signs, he signs. I’ll root for him all the way. As Puddy would say, gotta support the team.

What’s the deal with Ben Sheets? Talk about depressing. No not, the fact that he somehow finagled a guaranteed major league contract only to have it guillotined away from him. I’m talking about the presumed end to his minority ownership of the Milwaukee Admirals. No, I have no idea what the Admirals record is right now. Nor do I know the majority owner of the Admirals, but I think it’s safe to assume Ben Sheets is the Bill Veeck (as in wreck) of the American Hockey Association. Only his brilliance could have envisioned the glory that was January 4, 2008. This epic evening featured the most intense rivalry in the AHL (Admirals vs. hated rival Chicago Wolves), an on-ice Goo Goo Dolls Concert, and an intricately decorated Rich Peverly bobblehead.

“It was the greatest concert music has ever produced” Milwaukee’s own Wudley Dilliams.

Consider this my thank you letter Ben. Even if your dedication and enthusiasm to the Admirals far out-shined your devotion to your baseball employer, you gave me the greatest bobblehead I own...even better than the one with your face on it.

Chuckie Oliver

p.s. Spring Training in 4 days = Baseball analysis soon. thanks for tuning in


UPDATE 1:21am 2/10/09 --- Since my previous post Mr. Looper has moved exponentially closer to joining the Brewers' starting rotation. Reading some of the rumored details of the deal, it appears as if we're only tied to Braden for 1 year = Awesome. I was totally against a Suppan-esque $40 million/4 year contract, but this beauty Melvin's got in the mix is wonderful. Rick Reilly is lame.

Dave Duncan - Pitcher Whisperer

Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman,
Aside from the confusion from the previous obscure "Dark Knight" reference, how are you all? I've missed you. My time in Branson (not to be confused with Bronson), Missouri was well spent; one arrest and multiple karaoke escapades. All this amidst the rumors that our beloved Brew Crew was on the verge of signing the "savior" of the 2009 season: Brandon "Pooper" Looper. These rumors have died down, but I can't express my sense of disbelief over this very real connection between the Brewers and Looper, or any Cardinals pitcher for that matter...Or can I?

As most Brewers/Astros/Pirates/Reds fans know (the Cubs don't have fans, they have subhuman alcoholics) the Cardinals are always in the thick of it in September. One reason is Mr. Pujols (a model the Brewers seem to be following by locking up Brauny), but another we should analyze is Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan. REWIND: July 17. Local living room. SportsCenter is on. Barrel-Chest bobblehead bobbing. 12 empty Miller Lites ...
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Scott Van Pelt/Lover of Madison: And Kyle Loshe wins his 12th game of the season going 7 innings, giving up only 2 ER. His record now stands at a sparkling 12-2
You: What the fuck, isn't Kyle Lohse the guy from the Twins who fucked up all the time?
Me: YES, and easy on the F-bombs

As regular as Ron Santo's bitching, is the Cardinals revival of a crap-tacular pitcher and the subsequent release of said Turd when his ego is boosted by Dave Duncan's godly/wrinkly hands. If you're good at something, never do it for free (DK x2).
Check these numbers (if you put stock in such categories):
Kyle Lohse: Card ERA – 3.78, With Other Teams ERA – 4.83
Matt Morris: Cardinals ERA - 3.60, Other ERA-5.20
Russ Springer: Card ERA – 2.25, Other ERA – 4.94
Al Reyes: Card ERA – 2.28, Other ERA - 4.09
Jeff Weaver: Card ERA - 4.89, 2003-06 & 07 ERA - 5.99
Jeff Suppan: Card ERA (04-06) – 3.94, 2000-03 ERA - 4.71, 07-08 ERA-4.78

And the list goes on: Chris Carpenter, Julian Taverez, Ryan Franklin, Josh Hancok (RIP), Jason Marquis, and our Cal Eldred; these gentleman are merely average hurlers before & after Duncan's supervision, but played a significant role in the Cardinals success.

Now I know what you're thinking, will Chuckie ever explain that Bronson allusion? Yes. Simpsons.
I can also hear your reservations over my worship of Dave Duncan...I'm not crazy. I'm not (Dark Knight x3). I just am proposing reasons to never consider an ex-Cardinals pitcher acquisition. It's like Charley going after The Waitress, he will most definitely fail royally. Sure Dave Duncan didn't create Mark Mulder's success nor save Sidney Ponson or Kip Wells from imploding, but the way he continuously turns slumdogs into millionaires is impressive. He didn’t turn them all into Cy Sabathia, but the Cards did receive a hefty R.O.I. With the comparative ERA’s I tried to show the effect Duncan has had, although I understand there are better measures of performance than straight ERA. I did consider age, injuries, and contract years in my number crunching, but if Ron Santo can overlook such things in his HOF campaign, so will I (but seriously, I tried to consider them, but they never skewed the numbers enough.) I'll let the debate rage from there.

I just want my phone call,
Chuckie O