Dave Duncan - Pitcher Whisperer

Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman,
Aside from the confusion from the previous obscure "Dark Knight" reference, how are you all? I've missed you. My time in Branson (not to be confused with Bronson), Missouri was well spent; one arrest and multiple karaoke escapades. All this amidst the rumors that our beloved Brew Crew was on the verge of signing the "savior" of the 2009 season: Brandon "Pooper" Looper. These rumors have died down, but I can't express my sense of disbelief over this very real connection between the Brewers and Looper, or any Cardinals pitcher for that matter...Or can I?

As most Brewers/Astros/Pirates/Reds fans know (the Cubs don't have fans, they have subhuman alcoholics) the Cardinals are always in the thick of it in September. One reason is Mr. Pujols (a model the Brewers seem to be following by locking up Brauny), but another we should analyze is Cardinals pitching coach Dave Duncan. REWIND: July 17. Local living room. SportsCenter is on. Barrel-Chest bobblehead bobbing. 12 empty Miller Lites ...
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Scott Van Pelt/Lover of Madison: And Kyle Loshe wins his 12th game of the season going 7 innings, giving up only 2 ER. His record now stands at a sparkling 12-2
You: What the fuck, isn't Kyle Lohse the guy from the Twins who fucked up all the time?
Me: YES, and easy on the F-bombs

As regular as Ron Santo's bitching, is the Cardinals revival of a crap-tacular pitcher and the subsequent release of said Turd when his ego is boosted by Dave Duncan's godly/wrinkly hands. If you're good at something, never do it for free (DK x2).
Check these numbers (if you put stock in such categories):
Kyle Lohse: Card ERA – 3.78, With Other Teams ERA – 4.83
Matt Morris: Cardinals ERA - 3.60, Other ERA-5.20
Russ Springer: Card ERA – 2.25, Other ERA – 4.94
Al Reyes: Card ERA – 2.28, Other ERA - 4.09
Jeff Weaver: Card ERA - 4.89, 2003-06 & 07 ERA - 5.99
Jeff Suppan: Card ERA (04-06) – 3.94, 2000-03 ERA - 4.71, 07-08 ERA-4.78

And the list goes on: Chris Carpenter, Julian Taverez, Ryan Franklin, Josh Hancok (RIP), Jason Marquis, and our Cal Eldred; these gentleman are merely average hurlers before & after Duncan's supervision, but played a significant role in the Cardinals success.

Now I know what you're thinking, will Chuckie ever explain that Bronson allusion? Yes. Simpsons.
I can also hear your reservations over my worship of Dave Duncan...I'm not crazy. I'm not (Dark Knight x3). I just am proposing reasons to never consider an ex-Cardinals pitcher acquisition. It's like Charley going after The Waitress, he will most definitely fail royally. Sure Dave Duncan didn't create Mark Mulder's success nor save Sidney Ponson or Kip Wells from imploding, but the way he continuously turns slumdogs into millionaires is impressive. He didn’t turn them all into Cy Sabathia, but the Cards did receive a hefty R.O.I. With the comparative ERA’s I tried to show the effect Duncan has had, although I understand there are better measures of performance than straight ERA. I did consider age, injuries, and contract years in my number crunching, but if Ron Santo can overlook such things in his HOF campaign, so will I (but seriously, I tried to consider them, but they never skewed the numbers enough.) I'll let the debate rage from there.

I just want my phone call,
Chuckie O