An Augustine Special

In todays Brewers Live pregame show, Jerry Augustine announced that today the Brewers don't need a quality start from Braden Looper; the Brewers need a "special start". I was in the midst of preparing a fine and affordable Usinger's bratwurst for dinner (you better believe I'll sell out), so I may have been in a state of ecstacy and imagined his description, but it seemed as if he made the implication that a special start would be: a complete game shutout, a perfect game, or at the very least, 8 scoreless innings.

Where the fuck does Augustine get off thinking that this is even remotely a realistic expectation for Braden Looper? In twelve major league seasons, Braden Looper has:

1 complete game

0 perfect games

1 career game pitching more than 7 complete innings

Who would ever think that the Brewers should expect such an outing from such a mediocre pitcher? Of course it would be nice, but why not give us all some real analysis here instead of telling us about your fantasyland bullshit?

I can't wait for tomorrow's pregame, in which Jerry Augustine will announce that our starting pitcher should transform (I would really advise you to look into the possibility of sellling out) into Tim Lincecum or Dan Haren for a night instead of the average pitcher that they truly are.