Many 'Fantastic' Returns

They said it wouldn't happen. They said we wouldn't see him again. They said he had abandoned his people. They said he had forgotten his login password for the blog. But they were wrong. And by 'they' we all know who I'm talking about. The haters. Haters who said Captain Fantastic was no more. Well folks, from the ashes rises a phoenix. Captain Fantastic is back. You might be asking “Captain Fantastic, where have you been all this time?”. To which, I'll respond, “I'll ask the questions on my blog asshole”. So what rose me from my proverbial Tora Bora cave system? None other than a nonsensical comment by FSN Wisconsin's own Bill “Rock” Schroeder during Wednesday night's Brewers vs. Cardinals matchup. With no further Freddy Adu, sporting my #45 jaboutside jersey, I'll jump into my breakdown of Bill's diluted baseball mind:

I need to paraphrase here seeing is how I didn't have my “Bill Schroeder bologna” notepad handy (it was in my other fanny pack. Don't you hate it when that happens?!):

“Albert Pujols is in the category that you walk him intentionally with the bases loaded. He has four grand slams this season.”

Holy Guacamole Bill! What fly by night school of baseball managing are you subscribing to?!


According to the history of the sport we know as baseball, since the beginning of the 20th century only four players have been walked intentionally with the bases loaded. Four! Not to mention only two of those four have been given a bases loaded free pass since we kicked the Nazi's butts in World War II. This isn't walking the catcher to get to the pitcher or even sacrifice bunting to move a runner into scoring position we're talking about here. This is baseball heresy! Believe it or not, this event actually happened just last season in a game between the Texas Rangers and Tampa Bay Rays. Manager Joe Maddon decided to give a free pass to Texas slugger, and former junkie, Josh Hamilton with the bases juiced. And...it worked! The Rays retired the next batter and eventually won the game! Following the contest Maddon had this to say about his decision:

“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “You’ve got to go with what you think is the right thing in the moment, based on everything that’s presented to you.
“Of course if it didn’t work out I would have been skewered, and that would have been fine.”


Fair point Joe! I'll make sure to use that line next time I get brought into the police station for hanging out too close to the playground again. In a philosophical sense, do the ends always justify the means? Apparently to Joe Maddon and potentially Rock they do.

Also, what category exists of players that should be intentionally walked with the bases loaded!? Can I find this on MLB.com? Albert Pujols is amazing yes. He should win the MVP Award every year until he decides to hang up his cleats. But last time I checked the list of people one should walk with the bases juiced looked like this:

List of People you should Intentionally Walk with the Bases Loaded
By Common Sense

1. Steve Nebraska from The Scout
2. Ken Griffey Jr. in Ken Griffey Jr.'s Slugfest for Nintendo 64
3. The kid in your little league who clearly had a mustache by age 11
4. Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez


That's it. I'm sorry, but I don't see Albert Pujols on that list. Case closed.

The bottom line is that it's a dumb idea just like a flat tax system and background checks by potential employers. The MLB record for grand slams in a season is six, held by Travis Hafner and Dandy Don Mattingly. Even if Albert the Great continues at this rate of grand salamis he'll end the season with eight maybe nine? How many times will he come to the plate with the bases loaded? Depending on the batters in front of him, probably a lot more. And what are his chances of hitting a home run in that spot? 12%? 15%? Depending on his Home Run to At-Bat ratio at the time. Yes, it saves you the asshole reporter asking after you give up the grand slam to Pujols why you pitched to him in that spot, but it opens you up to the next guy clearing the bases or missing the likely chance that Albert will make an out. He still makes outs at an incredible rate, almost 2 to 1! Don't get me wrong here, Captain Fantastic is all about winning ball games, but Captain Fantastic also isn't an idiot.


Anywho, in closing let me just say that it's great to be back. I'd like to thank you for all the well wishes and kind words I received in my absence. Sorry to Chuckie O for pushing the first post anyone has made in months off the top of the page, but you never know what or when Captain Fantastic will rise from the ether.

Jah Bless...


(cue the music!)