I don't Like Bud Selig

Well, it’s been about a month JABers…thanks for your patience. Unfortunately, I do not possess the literary skills to compensate for my absence in one post. If it means anything, I will post on a more regular basis in the future. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that before though…

As we've established here on JABoutside, JSonline is a great source of Brewers news and fan folly. This post concerns a little from column A and a little from column B. JS’s Don Walker addressed Bud Selig’s new “Commissioner's Fan Initiative” in his blog today. The initiative, a collection of all ticket discounts offered by MLB clubs, has been implemented to help fans in these tough economic times.

Wow, Bud you’re so wise. You’re so considerate to the fans…always, always thinking about the little guy. I’m so glad you’re our fearless leader in such hard times. So what if you let ticket prices inflate like 'Lil Wayne’s ego. So what if your watchful eye missed that darn steroid era. And who cares if you threaten to contract teams…you’re showing us where to buy cheaper tickets!! Wait…these discounts already exist? You’re just putting them on your website? Oh—well --- that’s okay. At least you didn’t lie to Congress. You did?! Damnit Selig, where did you get this “Bud” name anyway?

Despite Bud’s douche-ness, the fact remains that discounted tickets are easier to find. Gone are the days when 15 year olds had to barter with FUBU clad scalpers just to watch Lou Collier strike out 3 times a game. Such is the price to pay for post-season baseball I suppose. (Sigh) At least the memories of Devon White and John Vander Wal came at a low price.

Chuckie

In Defense of Rickie Weeks

Anyone who regularly visits the Brewers Blog provided by the Milwauke Journal Sentinel knows that the blog is characterized by two traits:

1. The insane, impractical, and inexplicable tendency for everyone who reads the blog to try to be the first person to comment on any given blog. Rather than aspiring to be the first person to say something reasonable or insightful, they all prefer to write nothing more than "FIRST!".

AND

2. Any and every discussion about anything, even ticket prices at Miller Park, will somehow devolve into a completely absurd damnation of Rickie Weeks. Tom Haudricourt, the regular blogger, and the readers, who I can't believe are literate, look for any and every opportunity to take a shot at Weeks.  

You can imagine my delight when I saw a post today, written by Anthony Witrado, that actually portrayed Rickie Weeks in a positive light. I looked back into the annals of the Brewers Blog and discovered that nothing good has been said about Rickie Weeks since 2003 (okay, so maybe I didn't do any research and just made something up). Also, though the alternative message written was awful, I was not subjected to a "first!". Needless to say, this was one of the greatest moments of my life. 

Now I know you're sitting there asking yourself "But KP, you're being so complimentary. Where is your usual bitterness and vulgarity? I hope you haven't matured since your reconciliation with Michael Hunt.".  Fear not, there has been no posititive progress with my maturity, and you can be assured that I will resume my bitter ways in the near future. 

Well, it's the near future and here I am, ready to get excessively acerbic. Despite the fact that the statistics provided clearly indicate that Rickie Weeks is at least an adeqaute option at second base and maybe people should lay off of him, many readers of the Brewer Blog decided that they will still continue to irrationally hate Rickie Weeks. What follows below are some of the most noteworthy comments:

oh baseball. you can make any numbers say what you want them to say.

Are you fucking serious right now? You cannot make the numbers say anything at all, dickhead, that's the beauty of the numbers. They say EXACTLY what occurred and provide a great way to compare players. Statistics are not puppets, they are very straightforward. 

wheres avg... ha. plus the K's are crazy. but actually surprised to see the numbers. but you also have to remember the offense that is behind weeks. If you put roberts or hudson batting first in our lineup, they would be at about 350 runs.

If I had to guess, I would say that batting average is probably vacationing in Irrelevantville, along with RBI's, Ruben Studdard, Gallagher, Rafael Araujo, and Lew Ford. Seriously, what kind of person actually still looks at batting average? My theory is that the direct descendants of Henry Chadwick have formed a coalition in order to keep batting average relevant in daily baseball discussion despite it's obvious shortcomings. Even the Illuminati pale in comparison to the power, political clout, and prominence of the Chadwick Commonwealth. 

Can he even bunt?

Do I even care? I can't believe someone with such an antiquated notion of baseball even knows how to use a computer. This guy probably goes on NASCAR message boards writing things like "But can Jeff Gordon drive a horsedrawn carriage?"(Please note: I despise NASCAR and regret terribly having to reference it). 

I don't think you can really make an arguement without posting the defensive stats.

Just when I was losing complete faith in the ability of Brewers fans to be logical, coherent, and reasonable, this person comes along and actually makes a good point. Thank you, dear stranger, for restoring my faith in Brewmanity. Anyways, let's look at some defensive stats. I decided to only look at 2008 rather than his career totals as I feel they are the best indication of his abilities right now.  

Fielding Percentage: .975

League Fielding Percentage: .982

Range Factor: 4.91

League Range Factor: 4.04

Range Factor/9: 5.02

League Range Factor/9: 4.83

As you may be able to tell, Rickie Weeks is actually not that bad at defense. Yes he does make errors. His fielding percentage is below the league average. These are irrefutable points. But please, for once, be reasonable. His range is exceptional and he puts himself in position to make plays on a more consistent basis than almost any other second basemen.  Would you rather have someone at second base who can get to 9 out of 10 balls hit in his direction and throw one away or have someone who can only get to 7 out of 10 and throw none away? 

It's time for everyone to realize that, at worst, Rickie Weeks is a league average second basemen. And it's time for me to realize that the Chadwick Commonwealth is probably going to murder me in my sleep tonight. Thanks for the memories, guys. It's been great. 

Bold Predictions

As I was watching the postgame show of the Big Ten Basketball Tournament, Hubert Davis declared something to the effect of "Michigan State is the kind of team that could make it to the Final Four. But they could also lose in the first or second round". In the spirit of Hubert's bold analysis and risky claims, I am going to declare the following prediction about the Brewers:

The Brewers could win the World Series, or maybe be National League Champions, or possibly win the National League Division Series. They are also the kind of team that could win the wildcard, and they could possibly also win 34 games.

Showdown with Michael Hunt

If you explore world history in any meaningful fashion, you are probably already aware of the recurring importance of one day ever year, March 6th. Year after year, without fail, monumental and life-changing events occur on this very day.

For the skeptical readers out there who do not study world history, I provide the following list of major events which happened on the sixth of March: Mega Millions gives away their highest jackpot ever, $370 million(2007), Bubba Sparxxx is born (1977), the Second Annual Blockbuster Entertainment Awards (1996), Aravinda De Silva smashes 145 vs. Kenya in cricket World Cup (1996), the birth of Greg Ostertag (1973), the Yankees defeated the New York Mets 6-4 in an exhibition game which doubled as their first meeting in over four years (1989), Walter Cronkite ends his reign as anchor of CBS Evening news (1981), Larry Hisle becomes the first designated hitter ever in an exhibition against the Pittsburgh Pirates (1973), Shaquille O' Neal is born (1972), Treaty of Paris (1323), KP successfully eats an entire Papa Johns Pizza in under ten minutes (2008), Jack Nicklaus passes Arnold Palmer as golf's all-time money winner (1972), and of course, Mike Tyson TKO's Hector Mercedes in the very first round of his very first professional fight (1985). So it should come as very little surprise that March 6th was the date that the most historical moment in Just a Bit Outside history occurred; a Michael Hunt live chat featuring yours truly.

I've often thought about what I might say to Mr. Hunt if given the chance, and when the opportunity presented itself, I fought back any urges to swear or call him a dick and decided to go with:

Mr. Hunt, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited about the upcoming baseball season, and especially the Brewers. One thing that I have found as I have gotten older is that there is a greater emphasis on statistics in baseball than ever before. Alot of people cite statistics like OPS and VORP, but how accurately can they truly predict the success of an individual or a team? What statistics do you use when evaluating a baseball player/team and which ones could you do without? Thanks for taking the time to answer.

I'm amazed at the politeness too, you're not alone. Anyways, my reason for asking this question isn't because I care at all about what statistics Michael Hunt is interested in, because I can't think of anything that I care about less. Instead, I was hoping that this question might bait our beloved Michael Hunt into saying something totally absurd like "I think the only way you can evaluate a player is to just look at him, you can just tell", or "batting average", "whatever Steve Phillips says" or "RBIs". To his credit, Michael Hunt did not say anything outlandish and even provided a mostly coherent and logical answer:


Michael Hunt - Good morning everyone, and thanks for stopping by. Upfront I need to mention that I'm feeling a little under the weather, so if the answers are short I hope you understand. Anyway, we'll endeavor to persevere on such a beautiful day - I can look out the window and see just about all the snow in the yard has melted - and get to as many of your questions as we can. We'll start with KP because it's starting to feel like baseball weather. KP, as a baseball traditionalist I nevertheless enjoy the modern stats, especially OPS. It's a good way of measuring a hitter's overall effectiveness. But some, like VORP, just makes my head hurt worse than it does at the moment. For me, on-base percentage is still the best stat. If you're getting on base, you're not using up any of your outs. For pitchers, I always look at strikeouts to walks. As cliche as it sounds, you can't win without throwing strikes.

I appreciate Michael Hunt showing some basic knowledge of baseball statistics. In fact, I am so impressed with the fact that he at least has a fundamental sense of what to look for that I am not going to make fun of him for not understanding VORP. March 6th, 2009 is truly a day that shall go down in history, as A)Michael Hunt was coherent for an entire chat, B)I was given the opportunity to make fun of Michael Hunt and passed on it, and C)my level of appreciation for Michael Hunt is no longer a negative number. I look forward to our next encounter, Michael.

Lets Hope Hoffman Can Play Ping-Pong

You might be wondering why there have been so few posts as of late and the answer, for me, is that I am extremely lazy. However, I refuse to take responsibility for things when I should, so I am going to place the blame solely on the fact that nothing worthwhile has happened in Spring Training.

That is, of course, until today. The official first exciting moment of Spring Training occurred when Trevor Hoffman opted to throw a bullpen session instead of playing in an exhibition game. I'll give you a moment to let your head recover from the violent spinning motion which occurred upon receiving that news.

Of course, the exciting moment isn't so much Hoffman not pitching, but the reaction from Ken Macha:

“Those are the guys you want,” said Macha. “If you’re going to play ping-pong against somebody, you want them to say, ‘Game on.’ Or if you’re playing pinochle or pluck or whatever.

There are many things that separate me from Ken Macha. One of them is 52 years of living on earth. Another is believing that ping-pong passion and closing games are related. Personally, I don't give a shit if Trevor Hoffman is an intense ping-pong player, or if he puts in absolutely no effort when playing Stratego, or even if he totally mails it in when throwing horseshoes in the front lawn with his neighbors. As long as Hoffman commands his pitches, posts a low WHIP, and is able to save games, I will be more than satisfied.

EDIT(10:28PM): Just A Bit Outside has located file footage of the kind of intensity that Trevor Hoffman brings to the ping-pong battlefield.

So Many Questions, Absolutely No Answers

It's the very beginning of Spring Training, and full team workouts have not yet commenced. Naturally, this will be the time of the year when there are much more questions than answers. The beauty of this, however, is that newspapers hire reporters to enlighten us and provide some insight that we can't get anywhere else about our favorite team. At least that's the goal; more often than not, you just get some half-assed questions from a pretentious reporter who spouts off a bunch of jargon and creates more questions than they answer(ex: "Is God punishing me by making me read this?" or "I wonder if I too could write an entire column in five minutes and have it published in a newspaper?"). To prove this point, I present to you Exhibit A, a shockingly bad Brewers article by Tom Oates of the Wisconsin State Journal.

I know some of you readers, being the judgmental assholes you are, might want to unfairly judge Mr. Oates for this despicable piece of journalism. But as you may have figured out by now, I empathize with less-gifted writers and am not quick to attack them for their shortcomings. (Yes, I might be a saint. ) And because of this, I was able to discover the methods used by Tom Oates in composing his masterpiece. They explain everything quite wonderfully. Sometimes all you need to do is take a walk in someone else's shoes.

Step 1: Realize Google is available for things beyond looking up the number to local sub restaurants.
Step 2: Type in the words "Milwaukee. Brewers. People Talking About Them. Questions About Them. Sub. Sandwich."
Step 3: Fork in the road is presented, as Google asks "Did you mean: Milwaukee Brewers Discussion Board" AND "Did you mean: Sub Sandwiches". Oates accidentally clicks on a Brewers Discussion board.
Step 4: Oates looks up the first 8 subjects listed on the message board, decides against clicking on them to see what they actually say, and writes them down on an old Butterfinger wrapper that was on his desk.
Step 5: Uses Google to look up the phone number for a sub sandwich. Waits 45 minutes for it to arrive. In the meantime, he uses two pencils on the edge of his desk to pretend that he is Todd Sucherman (normal people do this as well, we just pretend to be John Bonham). The sub arrives and is eaten in 3 bites. Oates looks at the empty Butterfinger wrapper on his desk and remembers he has to write a newspaper article.
Step 6: Doesn't know what to say about any of the questions posed, looks up the names of some Milwaukee Brewers, makes up several others, and decides to speak vaguely and hope no one notices (you are probably familiar with this technique if you have been on a date and been asked about something like art history, Marxism, politics of African countries, pasteurization, or whether Mount Rushmore is in North or South Dakota).
Step 7: Writes his masterpiece.

As a further service, I will act as a liason between Mr. Oates and you, interpreting his vagueries into terms that you can understand. Without further ado, here are my interpretations of some of Tom Oates more confusing Q&A's:

Is Ken Macha the right man at the right time?

Tom Oates:Macha's no-nonsense, fundamental-based approach to managing might be the jolt the Brewers need to improve their undisciplined offense and shaky defense. On the other hand, Macha could lose the Brewers clubhouse like he lost the clubhouse in Oakland.

KP's interpretation: Who really knows? Maybe? Maybe not? It could be good, but it could also be bad. I don't want to say anything too bold here, as the Wisconsin State Journal is everyone's main source for Brewers news and I don't want to ruffle any feathers. Also, I just heard of Ken Macha.

Can Dale Sveum help more as hitting coach than he did as interim manager?

Tom Oates:The Brewers have power, but an inability to make consistent contact made them overly reliant on the long ball. They were 10th in the National League in on-base percentage, 12th in strikeouts and 13th in hitting with runners in scoring position. Sveum was popular with the players during his late-season stint as manager, so maybe they won't tune him out like they did Jim Skaalen.

KP's interpretation: I will avoid answering the actual question at hand, which is whether Dale Sveum will make a bigger impact as a hitting coach than as a manager. Instead, I will just talk about last year, make no real prediction about this year, and hope the fact that the players considered inviting Sveum to a 4th of July Barbecue Pool Party last year will somehow be relevant. Everyone knows that the only successful hitting coaches are popular. This is why Emilio Estevez was so good as a hitting coach in the late 80's.

Will Weeks ever live up to his potential?

Tom Oates: Though general manager Doug Melvin will cite statistics that say otherwise, Weeks has been the most disappointing of the young stars. He has obvious talent, but his hitting and defense remain subpar. If new bench coach Willie Randolph can get Weeks to reach his potential, he will be more than just a manager-in-waiting.

KP's interpretation: Fuck statistics. I have nothing original to say, but a lot of people seem to like to bash Rickie Weeks for things that aren't as important as they seem(like strikeouts), so I will just go with that.

Who's on third?

Tom Oates: In a perfect world, off-season Lasik surgery would correct Bill Hall's two-year slump and he would win the job. The Brewers would settle for a platoon of Hall and left-handed hitting Mike Lamb, though even that is in doubt after Hall injured his calf and likely will miss the start of the season.

KP's interpretation: Despite studies that show Lasik surgery doesn't have that great of an impact on baseball performance(if you're a subscriber to Bill James Online, I suggest you read their findings) , I'm going to talk about it as if it a cure-all. Also, I'm not going to answer the question. I'll just name two people who are listed as third basemen. Additionally, many knowledgeable fans probably want to know about Mat Gamel, so I will ignore him entirely.


Can five solid starters do the work of two dominant ones?
Tom Oates:Without Sheets and Sabathia, the Brewers have only two potential high-end starters and both are young. Yovani Gallardo, who was hurt last year, and Manny Parra, who ran out of gas, must come through because Dave Bush, Jeff Suppan and free-agent Braden Looper are pitch-to-contact guys and, if last year proved anything, it's that a pair of aces can go a long way.

KP's interpretation: I am still trying to comprehend the run-on-sentence in which Oates names all five of the projected starters. This makes me think, more than I did before, that Tom Oates was just trying to rush this article out as fast as possible. I'm not even going to bother interpreting this, because it literally says nothing.

Hopefully, with me as your guide, you too can someday be as empahatic and understanding of talentless hacks who put no time into their job like Tom Oates of the Wisconsin State Journal.

Happy Birthday? No Such Thing

Greetings,
First off, I would like to extend a hearty thank you to all those who sent their birthday wishes this weekend. The cards and money were graciously accepted, but that stripper “singing” along to Best of Both Worlds was a little much. Hannah Montana deserves better, even if I don’t.
I would also like to thank Doug Melvin for his belated birthday present. According to flip - flopping Star Magazine style blogs from Tom Haudricourt, Doug is drafting a contract with Brandon Looper’s stupid name on it. According to the blog, Looper’s price has plummeted since Christmas and justifiably so; he is 24-26 with a 4.52 ERA in 63 starts as a starting pitcher. Whatever. If he signs, he signs. I’ll root for him all the way. As Puddy would say, gotta support the team.

What’s the deal with Ben Sheets? Talk about depressing. No not, the fact that he somehow finagled a guaranteed major league contract only to have it guillotined away from him. I’m talking about the presumed end to his minority ownership of the Milwaukee Admirals. No, I have no idea what the Admirals record is right now. Nor do I know the majority owner of the Admirals, but I think it’s safe to assume Ben Sheets is the Bill Veeck (as in wreck) of the American Hockey Association. Only his brilliance could have envisioned the glory that was January 4, 2008. This epic evening featured the most intense rivalry in the AHL (Admirals vs. hated rival Chicago Wolves), an on-ice Goo Goo Dolls Concert, and an intricately decorated Rich Peverly bobblehead.

“It was the greatest concert music has ever produced” Milwaukee’s own Wudley Dilliams.

Consider this my thank you letter Ben. Even if your dedication and enthusiasm to the Admirals far out-shined your devotion to your baseball employer, you gave me the greatest bobblehead I own...even better than the one with your face on it.

Chuckie Oliver

p.s. Spring Training in 4 days = Baseball analysis soon. thanks for tuning in


UPDATE 1:21am 2/10/09 --- Since my previous post Mr. Looper has moved exponentially closer to joining the Brewers' starting rotation. Reading some of the rumored details of the deal, it appears as if we're only tied to Braden for 1 year = Awesome. I was totally against a Suppan-esque $40 million/4 year contract, but this beauty Melvin's got in the mix is wonderful. Rick Reilly is lame.